Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.