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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.