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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
Starting to believe I`m trouble
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles