Daily Silly Status

I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!

I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.

My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.

I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(

My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.

Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"

The girl on the flyer is never at the club.

Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?

It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.

PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.

Good for you, people that do things.

So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?

I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.

I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.

I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"