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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.