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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.