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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.