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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.