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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Mondays are middle finger approved
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.