Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....