Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
Iām trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?