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For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
I had your cake and ate it too.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.