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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`