Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?