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I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you