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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.