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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.