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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
I’m bored enough to clean.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.