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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.