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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.