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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.