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Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.
You shouldn`t be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me Iām pretty.