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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.