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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!