Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
I drink because people talk.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?