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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Long story short, I love summaries.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. Iām gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.