Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
First fart at my new job.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol