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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?