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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...