Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.