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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...