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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.