Daily Silly Status

I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.

I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs

I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.

I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.

Breaking News: I took a bath today

You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.

I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com

Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.

Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email

When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”

Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.

Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!

If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for

I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to

Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.