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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.