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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!