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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
condoms prevent minivans
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.