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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.