Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Iām glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.