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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."