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Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
The police never think its as funny as you do.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.