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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
he who laughs last thinks slow
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.