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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
only 9530 days until retirement.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.