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Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.