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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.