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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.