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I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.