Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.