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I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.