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I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards