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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...