Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
It needs more cowbell!!
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.