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I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
i only drink on days that end with y
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.