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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
justin bieber
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.