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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."