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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.