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I like the part of the day when food happens.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
Iām not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.