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How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.