Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.