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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now Iām gonna be up all night worrying.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-