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Before the internet I used to like people.
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media